Smile-Eyes.

For so long

it was only

in the far-off

barren

corners

of my freshly tortured

mind

that original ideas

were free

to rattleravage

in their

unwashed cages.

And yet

somehow

I knew better

beyond

those

fetters that

held my breath

and scratched

dirty words

into washed

filthy skin

and senses.

But what do we

know

beyond

that which

caged us all

for so long?

It became for

you

not slavery

but freedom

from the cold

outsidedoors.

So I look at you

with

distrustful

goodbyes

lurking

forever close,

always

waiting

for the fleeing that goes

with your snake smile eyes.

Worms

Worms

Crawl

And dig deep

Under the freckles that

Mar

My dirty skin.

 

They all watch me

With speaking eyes,

With expectation,

Under a fool’s

Unconvincing disguise.

 

I’m sorry

That I am so unclean,

I’m sorry

That I have something

You all look

To take from me.

I’m breathless

At the thought

Of battles yet

To be

fought

To retain

What

I have every right to be.

I’m sorry, sir,

I’m already empty.

sing to me

You broke me,

scared me,

left me in constant purgatory.

You pushed me,

crushed me,

until my heart struggled to beat.

 

You made me feel so worthless,

I very nearly

swallowed it whole

and allowed you to engulf

all that I could ever be

forevermore.

 

When I walked,

I stumbled.

When I spoke,

I stuttered.

When I woke,

I wished I would fall into endless sleep.

 

But now with wet eyelashes,

of the memory,

I beam into this

warm pillow

and sleep sound

                                  until the beautiful morn will sing.

And I will awake to harmonies

of my name.

Tomorrow, my love,

sing to me

now that I can

hear

the sweet music.

Inside out

The worst part is

the sicker I am,

the sicker I get,

for fear that they

will all get

sick

of me.

 

And no matter how many times they tell me

I’m no bother,

I know I am.

 

I will curl up.

I will hide

this dark beast

in my rib cage

and let it eat me

inside out.

 

For you,

my darling.

Always, for you.

a patchwork mess

I am tired

of learning the hard way

when it comes so easy

to those who never had to wait.

 

I ache for the moment

I can touch

order

and justice

and recognise

their simple beauty;

I only know their lonely duplicity.

 

I feel

and speak

and sow

never knowing if the seeds will

grow more of me

or only

layer upon

this patchwork quilt of

falsely smiling eyes

until even I cannot see

the lies pouring out under

my fingernails.

Calm, then storm

The clearest sky on the darkest night

threatens to swallow your whole being wide

if you don’t give in

and let the light

burst

behind your eyes

into a thousand

tiny stars

and that’s all there really is:

Quiet night.
Hush, Child.

The next breath.

I’m ready to raise yesterday’s hell.

Pedestal

Digging in to find
Something readily offered.
Hidden by some
Warped act of time.

I enjoy my pedestal
but there are no
steps.

I can,
I must
only fall.
On my blood we will dine.

Drought

Amble along.

Hold out.

Search for

a hollow drought.

Know that

it will be back.

Worse,

much worse

than before.